Weapons of Math Instruction

NEW YORK, NY - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a
member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as ' unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.


Paul Hue said...

Very clever. I do agree that the airport security measures have had a net negative effect. At their inception I wondered if the US reaction in this regard would represent a fantastic over-reaction, and negate the need for Al Qaida to ever commit another act, because its single act of terror would trigger endless US commission of self-inflicted wounds. This appears to me to be the case.

Paul Hue said...

What about those Weapons of Brass Construction?

Nadir said...

You don't know nothin' about Brass Construction...